Monday, March 25, 2013

Investing In The Future

     Welcome back to another edition of a new segment I like to call, "Finance With The Fly!"  In today's edition I want to talk a little bit about my journey to financial freedom.  For several years my investment portfolio consisted of lottery tickets and I still have yet to win a million but I'm expecting big things.  However, in my foolish years just after getting my full-time job I threw money away into stock accounts and somehow they have outgrown the safer investments of gambling.  Talk about dumb luck!  Actually, In the seven years I have been investing I have successfully started a nice little nest egg that wasn't too painful on my lifestyle.  Now, I'm slightly addicted to the moneymaking process and I love the idea of money making money even while I'm sleeping.  Talking with my buddy today and laying down the easy way I got started I wanted to do the same for my readers.  Let's do this....Leeroyyyyyy Jen-kinsssssss:

     Now back to our regularly scheduled programming: Ahhh, investing for the common man.  Despite the turmoil of our current economy, it is our right...nay, our duty to prepare ourselves financially to take care of ourselves and our families without the assistance of the government.  Now, wouldn't it be nice if you owned, say, Coca-Cola?  Man, I sure would love to own my own company worth millions to billions of dollars.  So, I bought one.  In fact, I bought a number of them.  You can own pieces of companies in the form of stock.  Owning stock makes you part owner of most any company you can think off.  For instance, I own McDonald's stock.  As a shareholder I commonly tell people behind the counter that I own the company and then run out with my food without paying.  This is one of many benefits.  Over this post and the next I will give you two ways to get started in investing.  For now, here is my first method:

If You Have $2000 In Savings Right Now

     I pick $2000 as an arbitrary sum but it is going to make you an immediate $50 thanks to me.  We are going to grab some high tech gear to prepare for our Wall Street takeover; paper and pen.  Now, make 4 boxes on that paper and put the figure $500 in each one.  We are going to pick 4 companies to invest in at $500 a piece.  I want you to pick big companies.  Huge companies.  Companies bigger than the muffin top on the lady that sat next to you on your last flight.  Yes, that big.  Go to and do a little research on the companies you made a list of.  I picked Wells Fargo, McDonald's, ConocoPhillips, and General Electric.  Even better if the company pays a dividend. That means they give you a piece of their earning in the form of a check.  So not only do you win when the stock price goes up, you win when you get your check.  But I'm going to show you Charlie Sheen style winning.  First, you need an account to buy the stocks from.  Here's where I make you $50.  If you sign up for a Trade King account you will get $50 FREE using my link.  I recommend Trade King because it only costs $4.95 a trade.  Meaning you pay $4.95 to buy a bunch of one company's stock, or to sell it.  Heres the link:


     Now, having done a little reasearch on your companies you want to buy enough shares of each one that the total amount of shares plus the $4.95 fee is under $500.  Once your trade is complete you will own 4 different stocks for under $2,000.  You now have an investment portfolio.  As for drinking Tiger's Blood like the Sheen-man himself, you need to email customer service and tell them you want all your stocks enrolled in the Dividend Reinvestment Plan (DRiP).  This is FREE!  Everytime your company pays a dividend it is automatically reinvested in that company to buy more shares.  That means for the rest of your life that stock will just keep buying more of itself until you look like the rich guy in Monopoly.

Keeping Up

     Don't worry about checking your stock everyday.  If you picked a company that will always be there (i.e. Amazon or Walmart) it will eventually get higher and no matter what you are making dividends.  Keep a close look at your finances, save up, and when you have another $2,000...rinse and repeat.  I recommend staying with these four until you have invested a total of $2,000 in each one.  Then you may want to look at branching out.  I'm happy to answer any questions you have.

Running from a McDonald's Employee,


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Champion's Creed

I will conquer what has not been conquered
Defeat will not be in my creed
I will believe what others have doubted
I will always endeavor to pull esteem, honor, and respect out of my team
I have trained my mind and my body will follow

I will acknowledge the fact that my opponent does not expect me to win
But I will never surrender
Weakness will not be in my heart
I will look to my comrades and to those who are a part of me in this world and
those who have trained me
And I will draw strength fromthem


I will gladly go out into the field of battle
And I will move in everything I can do
And I will reach my field of battle by any means at my disposal
And when I get there, I will arrive violently
I will rip the heart from my enemy, and leave it bleeding on the ground
Because he cannot stop me

To my side I have comrades,
Comrades that have been with me through thick and thin
Who have sacrificed their blood, sweat and tears
Never will I let them fall, never will I let them down, and
I will never leave an enemy behind
Because our opponent does not know my heart

No one will deny me, no one will define me
And no one will tell me who and what I am and can be
Belief will change my world
It has moved continents, it has moved countries, it has put men on the moon
And it will carry me through this battle

Defeat, retreat: those are not in my words
I don't understand those definitions
I don't understand when things go wrong
I don't understand mistakes
But I do understand this:
I understand victory,
And I understand never surrendering
No matter how bad things go my heart and my mind will carry my body through limits and weakness

Today will be that day
Not tomorrow, not next week, but right now, right here
In your house and in your homes

History will remember me....and I will not have to worry about him being kind

I will define myself...

I will write my own pages....

And no one will tell me what I can and what I cannot be.

I will never go home, not without giving everything I got

Because who am I? I AM A CHAMPION!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Las Vegas Chronicles, Part II

Where was I?  Ah yes, as I recall I was busy getting comped at Caesar's...
(Wayne and Garth flashback transition) diddlee-do diddlee-do diddlee-do

I was having a night of firsts.  I took the first shower in 7 months not having to wear shoes.  It was also the first shower in that long that the water didn't sting my eyes.  After my shower I had the first opportunity to see myself in a mirror.  Not to say we don't have mirrors in Afghanistan, but we don't have full-length mirrors or the opportunity to strut around in front of said mirrors without a bunch of other guys wondering what the heck you are doing humming "I'm too sexy" while shaking your groove thang.  Regardless, this was the first time I was able to actually see what the loss of 40 pounds looks like on me.  You heard right, I have lost 40 pounds while on this deployment.  To describe myself as a sexy beast is an understatement.  The new Superfly 2.0

I know, I know, just when you thought I couldn't get any hotter, I go and do this...AND TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF!  If nothing else, Afghanistan is great for losing weight.  I mean, how can you not get in better shape with opportunities with women like this:

Time to move.  I got my game face on and made my way to the casino floor to enjoy my first drink in months.  My buddies back in The Suck and I would often discuss this moment, and all too often they would tell me I should take it easy when I get back, that my tolerance may not be what it used to be.  Hogwash!  I'm a sailor, AND Polish...a deadly machine of drinking power!!! 

After a couple sips of Zima I was walking around the casino floor with a lampshade on my head when I bumped into a couple in their 30s (a white guy and an asian woman *ethnicity important in a moment).  Now, if you haven't been, everyone in Vegas is friendly and approachable.  It's the only place I've been where complete strangers will talk with you and you don't wonder when they are going to walk away.  I soon find out that the couple is not a couple, just two friends in Vegas from Canada.

"You're from Canada?"  I ask.  "So am I!"
"Really, what part?"
"Buffalo, NY."  We all laugh.
     *Author's Note- If you don't get this joke, you clearly have never been to Buffalo.  Please see a map for reference.

"Are you a fan of the Sabres?"  The woman asks.
"Yes! Are you a fan of taking pictures all the time?"
     *Author's Note- If you get this joke then you can only be from Buffalo.  Clearly she wasn't from Buffalo.

We all end up at a nearby lounge with them buying me drinks because I'm a war hero (my words not theirs).  Eventually the guy walks away and just the woman and I are talking.  She tells me she is actually 40 and she LOVES white guys.  * Author's Note- At this point I know where this is going but you don't yet so keep reading.  She explains that she never got married but always wanted a kid.  "Wow," I say, "that would be really tough on your own."  She goes on to tell me that she would love it if her kid grew up to look like me.  *Author's Note- The following has happened to me on three other occasions, believe it or not!  Here it comes... she says, "would you be interested in helping me have a baby?"  Now, I'm a witty guy and considering this is not the first time I have been asked, I'm ready with just the right answer.  "Can you hold my Zima?  I have to use the bathroom."  I took off to my room and never came back down *Author's Note- I learned this trick from like 30 or 40 other girls.

So back in the room I decide to cross off one of the things on my to-do TV.  Why?  Because we don't have TV in Afghanistan.  In fact, there is no entertainment in Afghanistan whatsoever.


Stay tuned for the next installment of the Las Vegas Chronicles!

From a Cave,