I am absolutely fascinated with the science behind discerning the truth. I’m a certified interrogator, and I have a voracious appetite when it comes to reading psychology books. If I had to choose a superpower it would be the ability to read minds. I think we all have a little of this fascination and it’s an important part of the human communication process and more importantly the social dance. More specifically, I would describe myself as an “eye guy.” 9 times out of 10 I can tell if you are being honest with me or you are making the story up as you go just by the direction of your eye movement.
The reason I bring this up is an interesting event I had with my cocker spaniel, Matilda, a couple of days ago. When I eat, Matilda climbs next to me and looks at me. Mainly because she considers me her pack leader and as such it is my responsibility to share with her the results of my “hunt.” I began to notice how she would stare at me except when I turned towards her and she would immediately avert her gaze. Occasionally Matilda would look back at me to see if I was still staring at her. If I stared long enough she would begin to cry and lower her head and cower up to me. Apparently I was communicating to her dominance with only a look. I tried it out over several days and had the same results. It was time to take this show on the road. The results bring me to my next lesson:
You Cannot Not Communicate
I quickly realized when I walked down the street that I commonly had my head down and never acknowledged anyone. And while walking, if someone stared at me as I passed I felt an immediate intimidation. It’s also the set up in movies when someone walks past some thugs only to get attacked once they passed. I fought to put my head up and look directly at people as they walked past me. Interestingly enough, when people caught my eyes they immediately looked away and dropped their heads. Submission. I encourage you to try this out. I tried to vary as much as possible for different results and here’s some of what I have learned:
If you maintain eye contact in a conversation you will own that interaction.
When doing something for someone look them directly in the eye and it will leave a lasting impression of being genuine. For instance, shaking someone’s hand and telling them it’s a pleasure to meet them actually comes across as genuine when you look into their eyes, say it, and then smile broadly.
If someone is being belligerent with you and you look away first then they will not let it go. Try this in your next fight with your significant other.
When walking, if you have a broad smile and catch someone’s eyes and say hello they generally warm up rather than look away. This is my favorite observation. Using this I have met some very interesting people in places you would never imagine making a new friend. Make the smile big enough that it creases the sides of your eyes. Not a half-assed one because that says you are saying “how are you,” but you don’t care for an answer.
Saying nothing at all speaks volumes about your thoughts. One of the most successful interrogation tactics I have seen is to open with a question: “why are you here?” Then look at them. The longer you stare the more moved they will feel to explain themselves. Confessions just spill out. This week make a goal of being observant of your communications. Watch how other communicate even when they try not to. I would be very interested to know your thoughts.
From the Man Cave,
Superfly
