Friday, September 2, 2011

Are You Not Amused?

In case you haven't been following the sparse updates on Facebook, I have begun the Spartacus workout. Apparently this is the workout that the actors used to get ready for Spartacus. I am just starting week two and already I can feel the results. First I started yelling all the time, then I was sold at a slave auction, and currently I'm planning a rebellion...I think this workout works!

If you've been a fan of the site for long you know how this was originally intended to document my journey in becoming a better me. As masculinity slowly bleeds out of the men of our society I thought I would adventure back to the days of yore and serve up a big bowl of macho nachos. This week I continued my goal by ordering a straight razor from Amazon. (Full disclosure: I am an Amazon shareholder...go Amazon!) A real man shaves knowing the next flick of the blade could be his last and I wanted in on that. My eyes grew wide at the sight of the swinging steel blade, and my heart skipped a beat when I unwrapped the mixing bowl and hedgehog hair applicator. Now we were in business. Let me just tell you about the best lather I have ever had as I mixed it in that little bowl and applied it to my face. I took my sweet time running the honed blade down my cheek. A brief mirror inspection proved what I had always known; I was a born professional and there was no way I could cut myself. What happened next is not easily explained to the weak of constitution. I continued what could only be described as Sweeney-Todd like motions across my neck and chin. The funny thing about fine blades is that you don't bleed until after you think you have finished successfully. The last thing I remember before fainting was someone yelling, "we've got a squirter over here!" I came to only to find a tourniquet around my neck which is probably the only thing that saved me from having my shoulders down amputated. It was, however, the smoothest shave I have ever had.

I also spent some quality time going over my finances and planning for retirement. It's amazing how compound interest really works its magic when you have time on your side. As I watch the news here and see the country's financial troubles I can't help but blame ourselves for our saving and spending habits. I encourage everyone to pay down their bills, save til it hurts, and open up that Roth IRA (for TAX-FREE growth and TAX-FREE income when you take it out at 60). After you max out your Roth you need to look into your 401k or TSP for my military brothers and sisters. I for one don't want to rely on someone else sending me checks when I retire. I want to sit at the slot machine with my oxygen tank spending my own quarters. I hope you will do the same. I'm no pro, but I'm happy to discuss investments and hear your comments!

From a Cave,

Superfly

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