You may have noticed on the left side of my blog are links to electronic comic books I recently purchased on Amazon. Currently, I'm reading the Archie Bronze Age comics (every Archie issue from 1970-1979). I'm having a great time reading an issue each night before bed, until I reach one page in particular that brings me back to a painful part of my childhood. The pain that I refer to is that deep soul-affecting pain that parents inflict needlessly on their own pride and joy. Now, I love my parents but I have let them get off pretty easy all these years by never giving them any grief. Well, mom and dad, party's over, the gig is up, it's time to get real...this is my story.
Imagine, a fourth grader on a lazy Sunday afternoon laying on his bedroom floor, daydreaming as he flips through his favorite comic books. Not a care in the world, at least not until he turned the page to find the most glorious artwork his little eyes had ever encountered. In a moment, his world was changed as he realizes the power that could soon be at his very hands. That boy was me, and here's what I saw:
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| Isn't it glorious? |
"There must be some mistake," I thought. My logic began to spin. "Why would they offer it to children?" Clearly, to prepare us for future service, so that's not unreasonable. "Why offer it to the public, maybe the Russians would try to buy one?" Impossible, Russians don't read comic books, they're too busy trying to get bread. Finally, "how could the U.S. Navy possibly be offering one of their nuclear subs from the fleet at such a steep discount?" I was thinking too much, I had to act. I immediately prepared my presentation for COMNAVDADLANT. "Dad, I need this sub." Like a true democrat he immediately cut all military spending. Fine, we know who really runs the purse. "Mom, I need this." Then I got a speech about how reading comic books was bad for me. Clearly the Reds had infiltrated. And so it went, I grew up never owning a Polaris sub. Mom, Dad...I want to tell these readers you were teaching me a valuable lesson...I WANT to. But we know the truth, don't we? You thought this was a gimmick, a waste of money! And because you believe in your infinite wisdom that you are always right you decided to keep your measly $6 and sentence me to a life of torture and regret over not having my Polaris sub. Well I'm here to tell you that you actually DID get a sub if you ordered it...I found proof...on the INTERNET, which never lies. AND HERE IT IS:
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| Child enjoying life more than I did |
Do you see this boy? Do you see the pure happiness on his face? Remember it. I heard he also grew up to be very rich and successful and let his parents move in with him when they got old. Too bad I never had a sub.
From a Cave,
Superfly
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